Rubric Assessment Sabastian

Rubric Assessment Sabastian

- Thesis Statement: I think that, according to the guidelines on the rubric, my thesis statement is pretty solid. It is well narrowed down and specific, while being identifiable. However, I think I will change it a bit in order to suit the content of my essay more, and to make it more arguable.

- Academic Style & tone: The tone of my paper stays pretty professional while still suiting the audience. However, it is in my best interest to get rid of some of my personal anecdotes and replace them with statistics to make the paper more academic.

- Clarity/Coherence: My paper does a good job of explaining the concepts in my thesis while connecting them in a logical manner. However, some of the points mentioned stray away from my current thesis and break the logical flow of my paper. I will fix this by changing my thesis slightly and explaining some of the more questionable bits.

My Essay vs. Rubric Scoring

Bragging about one's own work may not come as easily to some as it might for others but focusing on their good points is a probably a good exercise for the soul....probably.

Thesis:
I believe my thesis statement would fall into the 'A' category according to the rubric since it is easily identifiable, has a topic to discuss, and a reason why people should be discussing it.

Documentation:
Oh the agony of citing. However, I think that I am slowly getting the hang of it and have worked hard at correctly citing my sources. That said, there seem to still be a few minor flaws to work out but nothing too extreme, so this particular part of the essay would probably fall under a 'B'.

MLA format:
 Sadly, despite a lot of work put into my 'Works Cited' page, I forgot one minor detail. Putting in Times New Roman format. So due to that it would probably fall under the 'B' category since the rest of it has been done properly. 

3 Improvements to Draft

Sabastian Steven's Draft:

• His grammatical forming of sentences has been dramatically improved since his last rough draft, with the idea being better represented and much more engaging.
• He cut back on the use of "I, we, and our" which really contributed to a broader use of vocabulary which vastly improved it, though I am still slightly uneasy since those words were not taken out of the paper entirely. However, they now contribute more to the paper in this latest version.
• Added a tab space at the beginning of the essay. I think that was merely a typo, but that still made it look a lot better.

My Rough Draft:

• I refined my sentences more here and there in the hopes of making it "flow"better, easier to understand, and hopefully more engaging.
• I added in another paragraph that gave an uplifting look on the situation.
•  Also added in a few more references from the school's database.

Rough Draft Improvements

Rough Draft Improvements

My rough draft: 

- I was told to take the many instances of you, our, we, etc. out of my paper in order to make it sound more professional. Doing this also took out some redundancies in my paper.

- I was told that the opposing side of my paper was weak, so I added a personal experience of mine and another argument for the counter-argument.

- I noticed that there was quite a few parts of my paper that could be reworded. I changed those parts to either be more informative or more engaging for the reader.

Emily's rough draft

- Another paragraph was added about alternative sodas that companies are making in order to meet the demand for sodas made with real sugar. This paragraph is informative, but I feel it distracts from the main point and should be shortened.

- More statistics were added to the paper, particularly one about how bronchitis tends to develop in people who consume lots of soda sweetened with high fructose corn syrup. These new statistics help even more with the credibility of the paper.

- I noticed in this paper that some sentences should be re-formatted since they ran on too much or were in the wrong place. Emily made some of those changes, such as in the first paragraph which separates "product" and "but", and it is easier to read this way.

Chapter 17 Reading Reveiw

Chapter 17 Reading Review

As Thanksgiving break comes ever closer, I am very grateful for the short chapters. The content was repetitive as most textbooks are but it had good insight as always. I appreciated how they mentioned that most plagiarism is unintentional and the examples of how to properly paraphrase, summarize, and quote were all good reference points that I will keep in mind as I finish our current assignment. 

Synthesizing, the process where one combines both summary and paraphrasing with one's own observations, was definitely a new concept to me though admittedly I probably have already done that more than once in my lifetime without realizing it. But now I know.

Overall, the chapter had very helpful examples that I will refer to in the future.

Chapter 17 Reading Review

Chapter 17 Reading Review

Another short chapter! A chapter that is nine pages in length and contains mostly information about avoiding plagiarism did not teach me too much. Regardless, I did learn a few things. I did learn about the distinctions between a paraphrase and a summary. A paraphrase is where you write a specific part of a text in your own words, and a summary is writing a very general overview of the text. Also, I learned about synthesizing, which is combining summaries and paraphrases with your own observations of the topic at hand. The exercises are also a useful tool for polishing the skills represented in the chapter.

Overall though, this chapter was not very informative or interesting, and the information that I did learn was very basic.

Source: memegenerator.net

Defining Ethos, Pathos, and Logos

Ethos: When the information or subject is quoted from a credible source such as doctors, engineers,              or scientists.

Pathos: Using an emotion to sway the reader's opinion about one's topic or argument.

Logos: An argument that appeals to logically sense by presenting itself as reasonable and
            well-structured opinion.

Brainstorm: 3 S.B.S

Ethos:

1. Dr. Mark Hyman, practicing family physician and Director of the Cleveland Clinic Center for Functional Medicine, argues that not only is high fructose corn syrup an indicator of nutritionally-depleted food, but it is also not another form of cane sugar, as it isn’t biochemically identical or , most importantly, similarly processed by the body.
2. Dr. Joseph Mercola, a practicing osteopathic physician and award winner of the Emord & Associated P.C "Freedom of Informed Choice", argues that products like sweeten drinks are one of the biggest contributes to obesity by pointing out that one vitamin water equals three Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
3. University of Utah researchers have found that feeding high fructose corn syrup to female mice not only reduces their fertility rate but also cuts their lifespans in half.

Pathos:

1. If you are a woman who is consuming high fructose corn syrup, there is a possibility that it is not only reducing your fertility rate but also causing a massive decline of your health.
2. Consuming high fructose corn syrup may not only effect the parent's health but also the health of the child while they are still in their mother's womb.
3. In recent studies, children as young as five have been diagnosed with diabetes. An adult's disease that twenty years ago would never have even been considered an affliction one's children would have to suffer through.

Logos:

1. Some companies, due to debates over the affects of corn syrup, strive to produce products sweetened with cane sugar instead. So perhaps one should consider buying such products instead or simply by fruits in an effort to curve sugar cravings.
2. Considering the fact that there have been extreme negative affects on mice fed high fructose corn syrup, perhaps the human population ought to consider not buying products with such ingredients in them.
3. When so many people, including those with credentials, are arguing against the use of corn syrup, perhaps the every day person should look into such arguments and reach a conclusion for themselves.

Ethos Pathos Logos

Ethos Pathos Logos

An argument based on the credibility of the author of the essay uses Ethos.

An argument intended on giving the audience a powerful, emotional force uses Pathos.

An argument based on deductive reasoning or common sense uses Logos.

Ethos S.B. 1: After extensive research through educated online articles and scholarly journals, I can say with confidence that friendship with family is especially important for great mental health.

Ethos S.B. 2: Jane Collingwood writes that society is overlooking the value of friendship, and that many modern problems stem from this lack of awareness. Considering she has written many articles reviewed by people in her areas if expertise, she clearly knows what she's writing about.

Ethos S.B. 2: Rosemary Bleiszner writes that there are many different features across different friendships. The fact that she uses many sources for her specific examples and that she wrote this in a scholarly article makes this claim very powerful.

Pathos S.B. 1: I remember phases of my teenage life that were very bad for my mental health. Forunately, my friend Ezra stuck with me through them and that really helped get me back on the right track.

Pathos S.B. 2: Playing many games with my dad has really strengthened my bond with him. He really seems like a special person to me and not just a parent who provides me with basic survival needs.

Pathos S.B. 3: Making friends with many of the fun and amazing people in my life has really shaped my life for the better. It makes me happy that there are always new people out there waiting to be your new great buddy.

Logos S.B. 1: Studies have shown that people that are obese or in poverty describe that their problem stemmed from lack of good friendship. Therefore, friendship is very important for keeping life stability.

Logos S.B. 2: In bad phases of my life I did not have good bonds with my friends. In good phases of my life, I had great bonds with my friends. Therefore, bad phases of life often contain bad friendships.

Logos S.B. 3: Having people give us great things is awesome. Being a good friend with someone makes it more likely that they will give you great things. Thus, having friends is awesome.

Chapter 16

       Personal Reaction: Never use Wikipedia as a source material no matter what! And always check your source materials. Pretty much what we students have to taught throughout most of our scholarly careers. This chapter doesn't offer much as far as new material but it is a good review over how to find, search, and evaluate sources for certain topics.

        Professional Reaction: This chapter is helpful and should not be overlooked. It emphasizes the value of evaluating sources as a key point in creating an informative and credible essay that sources facts more than opinions. Reading this chapter will help students determine which sources will give credible information and also direct them to databases that provide trustworthy material.